Home > Humor > A Plea to Idiots: Stop Driving Into Buildings!

A Plea to Idiots: Stop Driving Into Buildings!

It happened again today. Not once, but twice! That’s right, during one afternoon TWO SEPARATE CARS crashed into two separate buildings.

My city is suffering through an idiot epidemic. No lie, over the last two months, there have been at least twenty-five different instances in which a car has driven directly into a building. What the fuck is the problem here?

When I was a kid, I remember wondering if anyone had ever driven their car into a building. I even remember asking my parents if it had ever happened. They had no idea because apparently, people in the 80s and 90s still came with brains.

These days, kids are going to grow up thinking it’s the coolest thing since Jason to drive your car through some brick and mortar. Hey Jimmy, let’s go drive-thru McDonalds. LITERALLY!

What the fuck is wrong with you idiots? If you don’t know the difference between a fucking store and the road, you shouldn’t be able to leave your bed, let alone drive. Just stop it!

It’s apparent that there is no end in sight to this extremely fucking stupid trend. But maybe I can help. Here are some tips to keep yourself from driving into a building:
-Have a brain
-Actually use your brain (important, yet difficult for some)
-Don’t do stupid shit
-Keep your eyes open
-Be a real human being
-JUST FUCKING STOP IT!

Seriously, I hope this makes a difference. If not, you’re all fucking dumb.

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Categories: Humor Tags: , , ,
  1. October 12, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    Have you fully investigated the area around buildings? Maybe there is a force.. a strong energy that pulls people to crash into the buildings.
    It may seem surreal but there is some powers out there that we might never understand or control.
    Whoa, I need to stop watching Ancient Aliens on Discovery!

    • October 12, 2011 at 2:53 pm

      I think you have to be right. What else could possibly explain this? Some kind of force is pulling the vehicles into the buildings. I’m not much of an expert in the supernatural forces field. What can we do to stop this?

  2. Jesse the Body
    October 12, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    the chem trails are making them do it!

    • October 12, 2011 at 3:06 pm

      You’re right! Thank you Jesse The Body, I always knew your insight into conspiracies would come in handy one day. Now, how do we get rid of these hypnotizing chem trails?

  3. October 12, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    I get to go to where idiots crash into buildings. It happens all the time.

    They are not as stupid as you make them out to be. They are far more stupid than that.

    Last one I went to backed out of their driveway in a huge, slow arc taking out their mailbox, continuing out along an arc that eventually took out the mailbox across the street, a small tree and then the porch of another house…sparing their mailbox. Someone who saw it told me it took fifteen seconds. How can you be in a fifteen second long accident and not react?

    • October 12, 2011 at 9:04 pm

      I almost feel like I’m jinxing myself by writing about this. But then I realize that I can’t possibly be that stupid. There is literally no excuse for this kind of behavior. There is especially no excuse when it’s a fifteen second accident and you do absolutely nothing.

  4. October 13, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Sorry, dude. If I see something that I want to kill (like an a-hole cat) and I just happen to be in a car at the time… building there or not, I’m going to ramming speed.

    • October 14, 2011 at 10:05 am

      All I can do is beg and give tips. If you’re really set on driving into a building, there isn’t a whole lot I can do to stop it. I wish you the best of luck.

  5. October 14, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    I blame texting while driving. The under-developed noodle of the young can’t multi-task.

    • October 14, 2011 at 1:01 pm

      I think you may be right. Either learn how to multitask right or don’t drive around risking all of our buildings. Lives too. Don’t risk those either.

  6. October 15, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    People are driving into buildings and inanimate objects a lot more now since there has been an onslaught of crap hip-hop music.

    • October 15, 2011 at 5:06 pm

      So you’re giving me something I can actually blame on Lil Wayne? Perfect!

  7. October 25, 2011 at 9:49 am

    …new take on a terrorist plot?

    • October 25, 2011 at 10:36 am

      I’ve actually heard people question whether or not people driving into buildings was a terrorist plot. To me, that puts then in a class just slightly above the building-crashers themselves.

      • October 26, 2011 at 6:14 pm

        I wasn’t serious, but I’m sure there are some people out there who believe it. I do believe it takes a real idiot to perform in either scenerio (plot or building crashing).

      • October 26, 2011 at 6:25 pm

        Oh, I know you were kidding. I was too. There are definitely people out there that are paranoid enough to think that’s actually a terrorist plot. The crashers themselves are definitely idiots.

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