Home > Humor, Jason's Life > Peep My Wardrobe, Bitch

Peep My Wardrobe, Bitch

Jason and fashion.  Two words that go together so well, they kind of almost rhyme.  When you’re a fashion icon, your choice of clothing influences a ton of people or some kind of bullshit like that.  But when you’re an average slob like me, you can wear whatever the fuck you want.  Even to work.  Alright, maybe not work if you still want it to be a place that you go.

Let me model some beautiful shit for you.  JASON FASHION TAKEOVER.

Are you a dude?  Have you ever been on a boat?  Well then you’re qualified to wear this shirt.  Convince some stupid rich girl with a yacht that you’re her special little sailor boy and KABLOWJIE!   You’re getting blown off shore every weekend!

Custom made and handcrafted from the hair fibers of extinct Ice Age mammals, this one of a kind sweater will wow people everywhere that wear clothes. An artist was specially commissioned to create a future vision of me, which you see on the left; smoking a pipe in teal sweatpants on a fishing trip.  I’ve never smoked a pipe and I could give two fucks about fishing, but dreams come true in pants so tealy blue.  I’m not sure what that means either.

Made from tiny bits of constellations, staring directly into the pants will cause erotic visions of shooting stars every time you close your eyes.  A verified cousin of the Star Spangled Banner, the next time one of my pick up lines includes something about having a star spangled crotch, it won’t even be a lie. Only one t-shirt could ever accent pants so galactic and you see it here.  If you want to dress like me, hopefully you’re not one of those pussies that’s afraid of clowns.

The finest in mens formal evening wear.  This jacket was designed by someone who ate too much 1980s for breakfast and threw the decade up all over some flashy, electric blue fabric for lunch.  The multi-colored tassels help give you that Macho Man-on-Ecstasy-at-the-Oscars vibe.  If you ever needed proof that you can’t overdose on high class, this is it.

All garments featured here are available for worship by fashionistas around the world.

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  1. December 23, 2011 at 12:31 am

    I’m in love. It was the star gazing/clown shirt outfit that did it for me. I was afraid of clowns until exactly two minutes ago. But upon taking a second glance at the aforementioned outfit, I think it’s more the pose on the sheepskin rug….
    Hot damn!

    • December 23, 2011 at 6:57 am

      I’m so excited that you noticed the rug! I was worried it would get overlooked with all my hot model moves in the way. That’s so awesome you got over your fear of clowns! I hope you can find a siliar outfit to finally put your fear to rest once and for all!

  2. December 23, 2011 at 2:34 am

    I liked the second one.
    This post reminds me of a super-cool sweatshirt that I have, which everyone makes fun of. That’s how I know it’s good.

    • December 23, 2011 at 7:08 am

      So many idiots just don’t understand high fashion. I’m sure your sweatshirt is SUPER FASHION DISCO TAKEOVER and awesome.

  3. December 24, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    Hey! Where’s the ubiquitous Christmas Sweater?
    Merry Christmas Jason!

    • December 24, 2011 at 10:22 pm

      I know, I can’t believe I didn’t throw a Christmas item in. Huge mistake. Merry Christmas to you too!

  4. December 25, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Happy Holidays Jason!

    • December 25, 2011 at 12:10 pm

      Thanks same to you!

  5. December 26, 2011 at 11:15 am

    I am worshipping them now. You make anything look good.

    • December 26, 2011 at 12:15 pm

      It’s not me, it’s just my poses.

  6. December 31, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    I have a jacket JUST like that!! I often pair mines with the star spangled pants though. When I hit the streets, everyone is staring at me … in a good way 🙂

    • December 31, 2011 at 4:36 pm

      Sounds like you’re a high fashion master. Very impressive.

  7. January 7, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    Love the orange pants … 🙂

    • January 7, 2012 at 8:20 pm

      Thank you! A closer look would help emphasize the beautiful star pattern that is so prominent on them. I think everyone should own a pair.

  8. January 10, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    “This jacket was designed by someone who ate too much 1980s for breakfast and threw the decade up all over some flashy, electric blue fabric for lunch.”

    Great line! LOL

    Hey Jason, I know you already know about this, since you commented and thanked me – but I wanted to put it here anyway to make it official that I nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award. Congratulations, and wear it here on your blog with that same kind of pride you have in the fashions you’ve modeled for this post! Lol
    http://walkoffwin55.wordpress.com/2012/01/07/awarded-who-me-again/

    • January 10, 2012 at 6:32 pm

      Thanks again man! And thanks for stopping by, it’s always appreciated! I’ll be adding you to my blogroll!

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