Home > Humor, Jason's Life > The Neighbor Who Broke Christmas

The Neighbor Who Broke Christmas

There’s lots of shit in life that people take too far.  Fun things that most people are able to do in moderation.  Drinking, gambling, porn.  One of these things that should never be taken too far is decorating for Christmas.  It’s one thing to assemble an extravagant light show that will throw your neighbors into an epileptic fit.  I’m all for that, that sounds hypnotizingly delicious.  But it’s a completely different story to assemble the Island of Misfit Christmas Blow-Up Dolls on your front lawn.  Especially when you’re building the Island as if it were Noah’s Ark.  Take a quick look, there’s at least two of every creature on this lawn.  Two Whinnie the Poohs, two Tiggers, nine hundred Nutcrackers.  Spongebob and the Grinch can be grouped together because what the fuck are they anyway?

You thought they were done?  No way.  The front lawn’s not enough, let’s move it on to the side lawn!  Because no Christmas is complete without Bart Simpson…sitting on blocks?  Notice how the candy cane fence ropes off the Misfits from the outside world.  Can you imagine the conversation that took place in this household leading up to the construction of the Island?  “Jim, you better build me a candy cane fence to keep those monsters out there away from my babies!”  Good call on that though.  I give it a couple days before the neighborhood Satanists come in and shove those candlesticks up Frosty the Snowman’s fluffy, white ass.

This holiday season, please learn to practice moderation.  If you really need to show off your blow-up dolls, maybe put like two or three on display.  The rest should be kept for your own personal enjoyment, tucked away in your bedroom somewhere.

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  1. December 4, 2011 at 10:39 am

    What are you talking about? That’s fucking awesome! Not just awesome, aw-ful!
    …I can’t believe I just made that joke.

    • December 4, 2011 at 10:50 am

      How about awesomely awful? I’ll approve of that.

      • December 4, 2011 at 11:01 am

        Agreed.

  2. December 4, 2011 at 10:45 am

    Is this your same neighbor with the giant cement dick in the yard? Because it might be time to stage an intervention.

    • December 4, 2011 at 10:50 am

      No, a different neighbor. I love my neighborhood so much. That’s why I go for so many walks.

  3. December 4, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    Well done sir. I hope I can convince you to adopt my policy that yard decorations may include Santa or the nativity scene, but not both together.
    Is Bart up on blocks because someone stole his wheels?

    • December 4, 2011 at 5:24 pm

      I have no problem adopting that policy. After all, five hundred weirdos will remind us this holiday season that when you rearrange the letters in Santa, you get Satan.
      I really have no idea what the deal with Bart is but your question is the best explanation I’ve come across yet.

  4. December 5, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Great post … pathetic decorations.

    • December 5, 2011 at 10:44 am

      I’m waiting for someone who loves crazy Christmas blow-up dolls to write the exact opposite.

  5. December 5, 2011 at 11:31 am

    I soooo agree with you!! The worst part of these tacky blow-ups is that during the day (when these creatures are de-puffed!) it looks like there’s dirty laundry all over the yard! Like some poor husband came home late and his wife threw all of his shit out on the lawn!!

    • December 5, 2011 at 11:37 am

      Yes, that is a great point! The only thing is, I think this house keeps all of their blow-ups fully erected (best possible word choice I could find.) all day long. Let the Christmas Blow-ups live on forever!!!! I think that’s what they said when they were blowing them up at least.

  6. December 5, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Yesterday, I saw the Christmas inflatable I covet. It was an inflatable mobile home that was decorated for Christmas.

    • December 5, 2011 at 7:12 pm

      There’s such thing as inflatable motor homes? I’m surprised that wasn’t on this lawn too.

  7. December 6, 2011 at 8:59 am

    Not my kind of blowups, but…………WTF? I was thinking about this myself, but I haven’t seen any yards that top that one yet.

    I always wonder what people are thinking when they set that shit up, stand back and think: How does that look? Is something missing?

    I think I’d like you to knock on the door and get pics inside the home. I am really curious now.

    • December 6, 2011 at 10:45 am

      Yeah, you’ve really got to wonder about the thought process that went into this. This whole operation was risky. I was taking these pictures as I walked by the house and they were on their other side lawn setting up even more blow-ups. Believe it or not, I was only able to get like fifty to seventy percent of the blow-ups on the lawn. I really can’t imagine what it looks like inside the house but my guess is that they have a blow-up couch and TV.

  8. YB
    December 6, 2011 at 11:09 am

    I’m in tears. Holy fucking blow ups. I think the only one they’re missing is the snow globe blow up with Santa inside. Wait…is that Shrek or the Grinch? And they have to blow these up every night? Madness!

    • December 6, 2011 at 11:19 am

      I think they may have had the snow globe with Santa somewhere on that lawn. And you might be right, that might be Shrek and not the Grinch. Silly me. They might actually keep these inflated all the time. I did get these pictures during the day so I’m not sure if they ever deflate.

  9. December 6, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    Right on! Tell a story with your decorations. A story that isn’t that you own a lot of random decorations.

    I don’t know why people do that. Their electric bills have to triple and now stoners will wander about into their lawn because of the bright flashy lights. There’s no good to come from it.

    • December 6, 2011 at 1:02 pm

      I’ve got to think that they have some kind of weird relationship with their blow-ups. Maybe like their magical inflatable Christmas children. Or something like that. Their love for their “children” outshines the electrical bill.

  10. December 6, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Funny!!!! I’m practicing moderation of my wallet when it comes to shopping … which I’m done BTW 🙂

    • December 6, 2011 at 2:17 pm

      Wow look at you! I haven’t even started yet! At least you’re practicing some type of moderation.

      • December 6, 2011 at 2:39 pm

        In today’s economizing times moderation is the only thing short of not spending at all 🙂

      • December 6, 2011 at 9:18 pm

        You speak the truth. I think the economy could use your help.

  11. khellriegel
    December 7, 2011 at 2:30 am

    Sweet Christmas Decorations! Man, I love your yard! You rock….oh wait a second…that’s not your yard? Jeez, sorry, I guess I should have read the blog complaining about your neighbor’s yard. But seriously, that is getting a little over the top. I’ll have to get my lazy butt in gear and post some photos of my neighbors…we have a Christmas decoration war starting and the only victim will be my loss of Christmas goodwill.

    Who am I kidding….I lost that years ago.

    Great post! Keep up the awesomeness of your blogging (sorry…had to get in the awesome reference).

    • December 7, 2011 at 6:59 am

      Hey, thanks a lot for coming by! I’m happy you enjoyed yourself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a decorating contest between you and your neighbors. There is something wrong when the amount of blow-up dolls living on your lawn outnumbers the population of a small town in Kansas. Other than that, I’m all for it and completely support it. As for Christmas goodwill, who needs that? Remember, Scrooge was rich.

  12. December 7, 2011 at 10:43 pm
    • December 7, 2011 at 11:37 pm

      Thank you for serving me. I appreciate it. I’m lazy so I don’t like to serve myself.

  13. December 9, 2011 at 10:13 am

    Operation: Save Mankind’s Vision

    Mission Details: Surreptitiously sneak across the secure enemy candy cane fence line under the cover of the night. Seek out and destroy all enemy forces that may will pose a threat to mankind. Ensuring that you’re not caught, leave a note sprayed on the house saying “DON’T EVER DO THIS SHIT AGAIN” then return home.

    • December 9, 2011 at 11:18 am

      I love the way you think. I don’t know if I can do this mission alone though. Are you in?

      • December 9, 2011 at 11:50 am

        For the sake of mankind, DEFINITELY!!!

  14. December 15, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    There’s nothing here that a good BB gun wouldn’t solve… Great post!

    • December 15, 2011 at 6:40 pm

      I like the way you think. Maybe we can shoot Santa’s eye out.

  15. December 20, 2011 at 12:02 am

    It really is like Christmas porn, isn’t? A little bit is all fine and well, but your neighbors don’t want to see your whole collection.

    Especially out on your front lawn.

    I think you should sneak over and rearrange all the blow up dolls into compromising positions. That’ll teach ’em.

    • December 20, 2011 at 7:16 am

      I think you’re on to something here. Create my own little Christmas love scene and maybe the other neighbors will flip out so hard that they demand the display comes down. I might have saved Christmas for the whole neighborhood! Maybe even the world! I’ll let you know how this works out.

  16. Rae
    December 21, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    I do not get the blow up dolls for Christmas. They make me want to invest in a BB gun.

    • December 21, 2011 at 8:41 pm

      A lot of people want to get really violent with these blow-up dolls. It looks like my sociology experiment is going much better than I thought it would.

  17. December 22, 2011 at 10:08 am
    • December 22, 2011 at 1:14 pm

      Yes! That is amazing! I feel like my whole Christmas thing is garbage compared to this!

    • December 22, 2011 at 1:45 pm

      Funny! The perfectly understated answer to major excess! 🙂

  18. Chris
    October 23, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    I know this house is on old georgeurban i dont know if i spelled that right i have alot to on my lawn lol i love this house come every year

  1. January 7, 2012 at 3:17 pm

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