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Artistic Genius

It was the idea of a lifetime.  Who could top this?  Write about pro-wrestling being responsible for world peace and create the single-greatest internet image yet to be seen by man.  Hulk Hogan and Jesus shaking hands.  But when I sat down to draw, something magical happened.  Something much better than two of the world’s most popular figures creating everlasting world peace with a single touch of the hands.  I gave birth to this art baby:

As you can see, I elected to title the piece “When Hulk Hogan Met Jesus” anyway.  There’s no doubt in my mind that this works.  A man, who could probably pass for Jesus from behind, is reaching out to and possibly petting a large, furry animal.  Coincidentally, this animal has Hulk Hogan’s haircut.  Fifty years from now, I’ll pretend that scholars somewhere are arguing that the look in “Hulk Hogan’s” eyes represents the moment that he first realized he was partially responsible for world peace.

    Like most great artists, I didn’t realize I had created a masterpiece.  I felt frustrated.  I needed to focus on the handshake.  The handshake was the most important part, after all.  Handshake.  Hands:

Handsuits.  Two men.  One the Satanic spawn of The Joker and Marilyn Manson; the other with one eye, a headband and a suit that doesn’t even fit.  Both wearing handsuits.  What is a handsuit?  Some things are better off when they’re left open for discussion.  I was finally able to sit back and admire my work.  The details, the subtle imagery.  What it was saying about today’s society.  The tiny hand, the pointy hand, the lack of feet.  Just everything.  Knowing that Handsuits will undoubtedly be made into a feature film one day has put me at peace with my life.

     The next time you dream about world peace, just remember this.  Maybe it doesn’t really take Hulk Hogan and Jesus shaking hands.  Maybe all we really need in this dangerous world of ours are a couple of handsuits.

  1. November 27, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Hilarious post … your “artistic” powers for humor is amazing! 🙂

    • November 27, 2011 at 2:17 pm

      Thank you. Art is in the eye of the beholder. I think somebody said that once.

  2. November 27, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    I liked the fairy animal.

    • November 27, 2011 at 5:05 pm

      Whatchya gonna do brother, when Hulkamania runs wild on you?

  3. November 27, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Brilliant way to help solve many of the world’s problems … and I’m shocked that nobody has figured this out before …. UNTIL NOW!

    • November 27, 2011 at 5:19 pm

      Could you hear “Imagine” in the background while you read this?

  4. November 27, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    Handsuits for everyone, I say!!

    • November 27, 2011 at 5:51 pm

      You’re a wise man. Obviously you care about the Earth’s well being.

      • November 27, 2011 at 6:13 pm

        WOMAN! I saw the beard from far away!! I didn’t realize it was drawn on. I’m sorry about everything.

  5. November 27, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Your artistic vision is unsurpassed by modern man.

    • November 27, 2011 at 7:00 pm

      Thank you so much. I can’t wait for my first gallery showing.

  6. November 28, 2011 at 3:19 am

    Hulk Hogan for world peace, that is the best damned thing I’ve heard all day. 🙂

    Handsuits FTW.

    • November 28, 2011 at 11:27 am

      Whatcha gonna do brother, when world peace runs wild on you?

      Handsuits for all!

  7. November 28, 2011 at 10:31 am

    This puts my stick figures to shame.

    • November 28, 2011 at 11:32 am

      Are you sure? Stick figures can be artistic genius too. I think anybody could draw Handsuits. Somehow I beat people to it.

  8. November 28, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Not just any designer could create a suit that accents just one hand. This is a tour de force. Maybe not of force, but definitely of something.

    • November 28, 2011 at 6:06 pm

      The fact that tour de force was almost used to describe my artwork is mind blowing. I feel like I’ve finally made it.

  9. November 28, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    Indeed you. ..you have arrived! This work is more than a tour de force. ..it’s a tour of duty and path to follow. ..a tour of France on the Planet Asteroid! Magnificent times google nine! So Picasso meets Jerry Mathers and. ..and alas. .. words fail! Except maybe art to the power of Chuck Norris, herring and high heels! My God, talent man!

    • November 29, 2011 at 10:42 am

      Wow…thank you! I think. I’m new to the world of high class art so I’m not exactly familiar with Artspeak quite yet. But it seems as if I did something right by your comments. Thank you!

  10. November 29, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    It really made me laugh. 🙂 I can’t wait to share it with my creative writing students.

    • November 29, 2011 at 8:43 pm

      Wow, that’s a huge honor! My work being added to school curriculum. I feel like some kind of hero. I love you forever! Did I go too far with that last sentence? I really appreciate it.

  11. November 30, 2011 at 2:30 am

    I wouldn’t have written a thing in the margin about making changes. (my work is a different story though 😉 Even after I push the publish button, I read over and cringe. ..)
    Your piece was a very smooth read. Just really enjoyable. Not one wasted word.

    I was thinking they would love it.

    • November 30, 2011 at 7:22 am

      There are definitely times I cringe when reading it over. This post is no exception, definitely a couple of cringe-inducing moments for me. I think my writing teachers would’ve marked this up in some way, they were tough. I’m really hoping your students enjoy it. Hopefully it can bring a few laughs to class! Thank you so much, I really appreciate your kind words!

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