Home > Humor, Jason's Life > My Neighbor’s Dick Garden

My Neighbor’s Dick Garden

I’ve heard of a green thumb before, but never a peen thumb.  It seems to me that this garden would be a perfect candidate to be the main character in The Secret Garden but there’s nothing secret about it.  A large, growing penis in the middle of the front yard.  I can’t even imagine how many penis enhancement e-mails had to be opened in order to achieve that size.  Let there be no question who has the biggest dick on the block.

The one thing that you’ve got to admire is the dick’s willingness to engulf itself in latex.  What a great hands on model for neighborhood teens to learn how to wrap it up.  You see kids?  Even the world’s biggest dick wears protection!

Dropping temperatures make me feel sympathetic for this unrealistically huge penis that I’d normally be jealous of.  Forced to live outside in the cold and snow, I can’t imagine the amounts of shrinkage that poor Dick will have to deal with.  This gives blue balls a whole new meaning.

  1. November 19, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    My husband’s comment: It’s even ribbed for optimal pleasure.

    • November 19, 2011 at 7:10 pm

      Your husband is a very wise, observant man.

  2. November 19, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    I just spit out my wine from laughing!

    • November 19, 2011 at 7:53 pm

      I’m sorry about your carpet. Thank you!

  3. Jessica
    November 19, 2011 at 9:10 pm

    Hmm… a penis garden…

    I’m just saying… I’m bored and it’s been awhile! Bahahah!

    • November 19, 2011 at 9:35 pm

      It’s wearing protection. Nobody is judging.

  4. Nathan
    November 20, 2011 at 6:44 am

    I am suddenly feeling very insecure, I need to know where this biggest of dicks resides so I can speak with it and learn it’s secrets.

    • November 20, 2011 at 10:19 am

      I know how you feel. I tried talking with it but he wasn’t interested in small talk if you know what I mean.

  5. November 20, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    OMG .. Get this … I look at the picture … get a thought … and your post read my mind. Awesome connection.

    …. and hey …. see … I returned.

    • November 20, 2011 at 8:45 pm

      Great minds think alike. Welcome back!

  6. November 20, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    I don’t know, I bet they use a pump.

    -Rob, The Mainland

    • November 21, 2011 at 6:39 am

      Yeah, they must. I think you’re right.

  7. November 21, 2011 at 6:13 am

    HAHAHA… I redditted this and got blocked because I didn’t report it as NSFW.

    • November 21, 2011 at 6:40 am

      Thanks for Reditting it, that’s awesome. I don’t know much about Reddit though. What’s NSFW?

  8. November 21, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    I need this address right away. Seriously I mean It!
    Right Away… time to Go Chasing Amy on this neighbor but you know vice versa!

    • November 21, 2011 at 8:04 pm

      I would love to but can you imagine how many girls would show up if I gave that address away? It can be like a magical quest to try and find it, that sounds even more exciting than just getting the address.

  9. November 23, 2011 at 11:33 am

    I want one for my garden, Do I have to start it from seed, or can I find one already growing?
    Freakin’ funny!

    • November 23, 2011 at 4:06 pm

      I’m not quite the gardening expert you’re looking for. I’d stop by Home Depot and see if you can find any Peeny Seeds. Thanks for coming by!

  10. November 25, 2011 at 2:24 am

    Your comments MAKE the blog. Guess I’ll have to upgrade to a larger Doc Johnson model now. Or find some of those seeds.

    • November 25, 2011 at 9:06 pm

      Well, since my comments are the only good part, I guess I should take up another hobby. Perhaps gardening? 😦 (I’m kidding and I’m not sensitive)

      • November 25, 2011 at 9:11 pm

        The perfect man! And of course without the picture your comments would not be possible. Cheer up 😉

      • November 26, 2011 at 6:25 pm

        I’m totally kidding. I was just pretending to be dramatic for a couple minutes.

  11. November 25, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    LOL! Random penis shapes are the best. I was about to wash a coffee mug one time when I saw a perfect penis shape. http://lemonysnippet.com/2011/01/04/a-sign-from-god/

    • November 25, 2011 at 8:56 pm

      Swear to god I saw the url and ‘lemon’ then thought Dear god surely not lemonparty hahahaha. Gotta say the pic is exactly as described

      • November 25, 2011 at 9:13 pm

        Luckily, I don’t really know what Lemon Party is. I do know that I will now get hits from people searching for Lemon Party.

      • November 25, 2011 at 9:14 pm

        close your eyes. quickly. -shudder-

    • November 25, 2011 at 9:12 pm

      Magical penises. Truly a gift.

  12. jakesprinter
    November 27, 2011 at 4:35 am

    Great post nice shot and nice blog 🙂

    • November 27, 2011 at 9:30 am

      Thanks man! I appreciate you coming by!

  13. December 7, 2011 at 9:32 am

    OMG that’s hysterical. 🙂

    • December 7, 2011 at 9:45 am

      Thanks! Glad you stopped by!

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