Are you bored? Are you a loser? Are you a bored loser that wants to get wiggedy wiggedy wasted? Then stop crying about the party you didn’t get invited to and find one yourself!
You need to use your super hacker nerd skills and log on to Findaparty.org! Kablam! Kablamblowblooblam!
Your Friday night is suddenly above average! No more Battlestar Galactica reruns! More like Miller, Labattica, three rums! Our party database lists everything from the high school house party next door to the ice cream social at the elementary school!
Want to get fucked up with the governor at an official state dinner? Want to brag to your friends about the hot babe you hooked up with at that random bowling banquet? Our party finder makes that all possible.
But Mr. Commercial Voice Guy, what if I’m not a nerd? What if I’m a traveling party circus? Don’t worry whiny boy, Findaparty’s got you covered! The fine people over at FloppySoft have created the most revolutionary mobile app in the fuckin’ history of mobile apps!
Want to impress your friends and pull some secret party out of your ass? Our party radar will help you with that. It fucking beeps when a party’s nearby! Does Facebook have submarine-ass shit all inside of it? NOPE!
Scared that people are going to try and hide their parties from us? Pfffffffff! Our high-tech, infrared laser technology can recognize any gathering of three or more IN THE WORLD! Just don’t blame me when grandma shows up at that weird alien sex party that you just needed to attend.
Drink up nerd. You’ll never have a boring night again!