Home > Comedy, Funny, Humor, Jason's Pop Culture Corner > Maroon 5 Excited to Finally be Considered Hip

Maroon 5 Excited to Finally be Considered Hip

September 13, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

Sources nowhere near the Maroon 5 camp are reporting tonight that the group is elated with the wide-reaching success of their new single “Moves Like Jagger.” After spending years exclusively on adult contemporary stations, the group is in disbelief that there might actually be a twenty-something year old out there humming one of their songs.

What has changed for the group? Several music outsiders (the insiders were too expensive) told me they “put a dance beat on it,” and “did all that keyboardy shit.” This reportedly helps to “get the club bangin’!”

My imaginary source tells me that the group can’t believe that there’s even a slight possibility that they could make the club bang.

“Up until ‘Moves Like Jagger,’ the only thing the boys could get banging was the women’s department at Macy’s.”

The group, looking to expand from their core audience of dorky moms, decided on a more cutting edge approach to reach a wider fan base. The only problem was believability. The world’s biggest geek singing a song rife with sexual innuendos seemed like a reach.

(Former?) Maroon 5 fan club president Becky Janikowski

“We needed to get more cutting edge,” said a homeless man pretending to be Maroon 5’s manager late Monday night. “I told Addy (Adam Levine) to get some tattoos and take his shirt off. I give him the credit, he did it. I never said he didn’t cry, but he did it nonetheless.”

In early shoots of the video, band members thought the new cutting edge image seemed a little forced.

“Since when does Levine have fucking tattoos?” asked the drummer of a local Van Halen cover band. “What a poser!”

That’s when the idea to bring in someone with knowledge of both Jagger and Levine’s “moves” came up.

“We needed someone that had firsthand working experience with both of these guys,” said the homeless guy. “We knew there was one person out there that had it for sure. That’s when we decided to call Christina (Aguilera).”

With an experienced Dirrty girl in Aguilera on hand to vouch for Levine’s “moves,” any questions went out the window.

“I’m Adam Levine and I know how to do sex!” said an Adam Levine lookalike at the mall after I asked him to repeat after me.

What’s next for the boys of Maroon 5? That’s easy, says one music outsider.

“Well, they got the moms. They got the kids and the clubs. The dads!”

Be on the lookout for an 80’s hair metal album from the boys of Maroon 5 next fall!


For those that are not familiar with this group, song or video, here it is. (I’m very sorry)

  1. September 13, 2011 at 9:30 pm


    • September 13, 2011 at 9:38 pm

      I’m happy you enjoyed it!

  2. September 14, 2011 at 11:53 am

    The hate I feel for Maroon 5 is literally painful! When the opening night NFL pre-show included them, I found myself getting cranky and taking it out on the innocent bystanders unlucky enough to be in my home at the time. I stomped my foot and began railing about how LAME (that’s so not the word I used-that one It began with a ‘P’) the NFL is (about everything but the actual game.) Thank you for commenting on their lack of coolness. It’s Dave Matthews Lite – (and the Dave Matthews road is one we don’t want to go down either.- trust me on that one!)
    Thanks for the Post!

    • September 14, 2011 at 1:56 pm

      Maroon 5 is absolutely NOT football music. The NFL is super lame for having them play before a game. They’re kind of lame with some stuff in the game too. For example, fining players for touchdown celebrations. Why not be able to celebrate when you score? Isn’t scoring the whole point of the game? Feel free to use any p-words or f-words that you’d like here. I could care less what words you use as long as they’re not hateful.

      As for Dave Matthews, it seems as if you and I have similar taste on that subject. I never thought of Maroon 5 as Dave Matthews Lite though, that’s funny and pretty spot on.

      Happy you enjoyed this!

  3. September 14, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    I haven’t listened to Maroon 5 in a while. Thanks for the vid I enjoyed it … I think

    • September 14, 2011 at 1:59 pm

      It’s definitely their new cutting-edge approach and the shirtless Levine that drew you in. They’re looking like geniuses!

  4. September 14, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Ha ha … this was the greatest thing since sliced bread. And I should know. I love sliced bread and I throw away complete loaves cause they are just not sliced!!

    Feel free to slap me a couple of times but I like the song. Or the whistling part…. I think thats it.

    • September 14, 2011 at 2:05 pm

      Why don’t the bread companies just save people all the hassle and label whether a loaf is pre-sliced or not? Do they already do that? I’m not a big grocery shopping guy so I may sound like a guy that’s completely out of touch with the packaged bread industry.

      I’m glad you enjoyed it. You have no idea how har it was to get those interviews.

      No need to slap you. Everyone has their own taste. Plus, Maroon 5 is really reeling in some new fans with this smash hit so it’s understandable.

  5. September 21, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    They do nothing for me.

    • September 21, 2011 at 6:11 pm

      No me neither and they didn’t for a lot of people but this Moves Like Jagger has really changed their reception.

  6. November 17, 2011 at 1:05 am

    Why do people hate them so much?

    • November 17, 2011 at 11:56 am

      I think because they’re kind of corny. But to each his own really.

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